Game of Thrones is back!
I’ve been waiting for this day since I saw all the blood flow out of Jon Snow’s dead body.
Speaking of blood flow, here are the top 5 ladies of Westeros who render me unable to wear basketball shorts while I watch the show.
I’m glad I was there to witness Jon Snow break his vow of celibacy to fuck a wildling. And I’m glad that wildling was Ygritte. She was feisty, witty, and kept Jon Snow humble by repeatedly telling him he knew nothing. When they snuck off to a cave together, she took off those layers of winterproof jackets and got a little hotter with our valiant Night’s Watchman. Unfortunately, Ygritte was later penetrated by something deadlier than a bastard’s penis. FUCK YOU, OLLY!
The prostitute that captured America’s heart. She always looked so soft. I surely thought Ros would rise up and become the queen of Westeros. I guess she could have if Joffrey’s bitch ass had married her instead of brutally murdering her with a crossbow. If only she would’ve killed
Theon Judas Reek before she went. I’m glad she left that dickless bastard with blue balls the last time they saw each other.
3. Margaery Tyrell
2. Sansa Stark
I hated Sansa in the beginning. She took Joffrey’s side over Arya’s and that to me was unforgivable. But I think she’s paid for it enough by Lady being killed, her dad getting his head cut off, her having to see her dad’s severed head, her “relationship” with Joffrey, her mom and brother(s?) being killed, and being raped by Ramsay. That’ll teach her to lie I guess.
1. Daenerys Targaryen/Khaleesi
All you snobs who hate when people refer to Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons simply as Khaleesi can go fuck yourselves. I’ve read the books and I get it, khaleesi is a title, not a name. I just don’t care. It’s got a nice ring to it and Daenerys was way more badass when she was known as Khaleesi. She ate a damn horse heart and spent the night in a raging inferno to birth dragons. [insert “dragon taming” dick joke] She’s still pretty badass which is one reason I still call her Khaleesi. I got off track but Khaleesi is badass, super hot, and will probably be running shit in the near future.