The sixth season premier of Game of Thrones was pretty great. The episode answered a few questions left over from last season and brought up a few more which should be fun to see answered. I’m writing this a few days after I watched it and I have a bad memory but here’s the top five things from that episode that I can remember.
1. Jon Snow is dead
Season 6 picked up right where season 5 left off, with Jon Snow’s corpse lying on the ground. I should’ve known this would happen when I decided he would be my new favorite character after Ned and Rob were brutally murdered. Unlike everyone else, I hope Melisandre (aka The Red Woman) leaves him as he is and doesn’t bring him back to life. Let the pain linger.
2. Theon is a terrible protector
Theon, you dumb, dickless son of a bitch. There is no way you were going to be able to lead those people AND THEIR BLOODHOUNDS away from Sansa when you’re standing five feet away from her and they HAVE SNIFFING DOGS. He basically would have gotten Sansa caught, beaten, and raped if Brienne of Tarth and that other guy wouldn’t have came in and whooped some ass.
3. Melisandre is super old
Holy. Shit. I was trying to eat when Melisandre’s big scene came on. I was just fine with her young naked tits gracing my screen, but the script got flipped. Apparently without her magic necklace on, she is old as fuck. Not just elderly but old enough to have witnessed the birth of Betty White’s mom. She looked like a skeleton wearing a skin dress that was too big for her. And I didn’t need to see her wrinkly old pussy while I was trying to slurp down some warm clam chowder.
4. #FreeMargaery is still in effect
Margaery is still in prison. I don’t know how shes’s gonna get put or where they’re going to go with this storyline. Hopefully she gets hold of a sword and slays the shit out of everyone. Or maybe Tommen’s blue balls will be enough for him to nut up and get his woman out of that shithole. Gotta take down the theocracy for love.
5. Khaleesi better get her dragons in check
Drogon is a wild card. One minute he was a cute little hatchling and the next he was flying around murdering children. Khaleesi obviously didn’t pay attention during either one of the How to Train Your Dragon movies. Sure he rescued her from certain death in that colliseum, but then he dropped her in a field to be kidnapped by the Dothraki so he could fly around and probably murder more children. He’s like a semi-real-life Charizard. He’s a dick but sometimes he saves his trainer just before he pulls off another dick move. Get it in check, Khaleesi.