Last night one of my friends might have acquired a copy of Captain America: Civil War. It was a shitty camcorder video with a bunch of watermarks and Spanish (maybe Portuguese?) subtitles but I got the gist of it. I was on #TeamCap back when I read the Civil War storyline so if this post seems biased, that’s because it is.
*KAUTION: TREAT THIS ENTIRE POST AS ONE HUGE SPOILER*
Captain America – had to protect Bucky from being arrested or possibly killed for a crime he didn’t commit
Bucky – accused of the murder of the king of Wakanda; hunted by Team Iron Man
Falcon – Captain America’s right-hand man
Scarlet Witch – Pretty much sparked the Civil War fire by accidentally murdering a bunch of innocent people
Hawkeye – Came out of retirement to help Captain America
Ant-man – Came along with Hawkeye; displayed a new power of becoming gigantic
Team Iron Man:
Iron Man – wanted the superheroes to register; believed Bucky killed the king of Wakanda
War Machine – Iron Man’s right-hand man
Black Widow – was originally Team Iron Man, helped Captain America and Bucky escape the big fight, then I guess went back to Iron Man
Black Panther – believed Bucky killed his father
Spiderman – recruited by Tony Stark; got knocked out fighting Ant-Man and sent home by Iron Man
Vision – believed registration was best
Crossbones – tried to kill Captain America in the beginning; killed by Scarlet Witch
Agent Carter – her funeral was in the movie
Zemo – he was the bad guy; I don’t think he was a Nazi
Red Hulk – General Ross was brought up in conversation but not shown
1. Wanda (Scarlet Witch) royally fucked up
In an effort to save Captain America from being killed by Crossbones in the style of radical Islam, Scarlet Witch intervenes. She contains the explosion and throws Crossbones into a heavily populated office building. I guess that killed him because we never saw him again. It also killed a lot of innocent people. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and made the government decide to step in and regulate our heroes. Dammit, Wanda.
2. Iron Man’s a bleeding heart
All it took was accidentally racking up some civilian casualties for Iron Man to let Big Brother take the reins. It never crossed his mind before but now all of a sudden it’s the only option to protect mankind from itself and aliens. These evil men and aliens will obviously adhere to the government rules of engagement and all that I’m sure. Cap, on the other hand, realizes that the people who proposed this policy have an agenda and agendas change with the times. He decides against letting anyone, especially government bureaucrats, dictate how he saves the entire world from destruction. The comic book version has the superheroes being forced to reveal their secret identities, which Cap is definitely against (even though everyone knows he’s Steve Rogers).
3. Bucky killed Iron Man’s parents
The craziest part to me was when they revealed that the Winter Soldier was the one sent by Hydra to kill Tony Stark’s parents. He destroyed the dad’s face and suffocated the mom. Iron Man went apeshit when he found out.
4. The ending was awesome
After Zemo revealed that Bucky killed Iron Man’s parents and Captain America admitted that he knew, Iron Man went fuckin crazy and started beating the shit out of everyone. That’s the crazy fight you saw in the first couple trailers. Iron Man was whooping ass. At one point he blew Bucky’s metal arm off. Fucking savage. Captain America pretty much won, though. He had a chance to kill Iron Man and didn’t. Then he ran off.
5. There were some differences from the comics (obviously)
Captain America was supposed to die. Crossbones wasn’t. Crossbones was supposed to kill Captain America. I wanted that ending. I love Game of Thrones and the Walking Dead. I’m a glutton for punishment. They should’ve killed Captain America. I guess they couldn’t but they should’ve. Also, Team Cap is in prison. How are they gonna get out and how will this affect the chemistry within the Avengers? I couldn’t tell if Zemo was a Nazi. He’s supposed to be a Nazi, not a grieving father. He’s not even supposed to be the villain, the heroes are. Spiderman has a huge part in the comics but gets around fifteen minutes of screen time. The Punisher’s not there. Lots of other stuff I’m probably missing like the Thunderbolts and Heroes for Hire storylines but I didn’t expect those to be portrayed anyway.
I give the movie a 4/5. Good shit.