I went to church camp and missed the newest episode of Game of Thrones last Sunday. No wifi out in the woods. Thankfully, no banjo-playing hillbillies with a fetish for squealing like a hog either. Me and my mom just watched “The Door”. Sad shit. I should’ve stayed at camp.
1. Please kill Littlefinger
I don’t like Littlefinger. He seems like a douchebag. The only thing he’s done that I liked was getting Joffrey killed and throwing Lady Arryn down that big ass hole. But then he married off Sansa to Ramsay’s psycho ass (who wasn’t in this episode). Brienne of Tarth should’ve murdered him for pretending not to know Sansa would be raped and continuously assaulted. Fucker.
Jorah confessed his love for Khaleesi! He said he loved her and always will! So sweet! He might get out of the friendzone if he can just get rid of that damn stone man disease. The ultimate cockblock.
3. What is dead may never die
Theon tried to help his sister become queen but his crazy, murderous uncle claimed the throne. The people just aren’t ready to be ruled by what looks like the only woman on the island. Why trust someone who’s seen battle, is familiar with how the place works, and has the good of the people at heart? Put the guy who murdered the king in his first five minutes on the island and has only been around for about a day on the throne. What could go wrong?
4. Whitewalker: Origins
The Whitewalkers were created by the Children of the Forest to protect them from mankind. I guess they couldn’t control them. The Whitewalkers are now scary as shit and murdering everyone in their path including the old man in the tree! I don’t remember the creepy children of the forest but I’m sure they were in other episodes. The one who created the Whitewalkers sacrificed herself. Kind of sad.
5. HOLD THE DOOR
This part right here is full of absolute bullshit. First off, Bran’s dire wolf gets brutally murdered by a bunch of Whitewalkers. Pretty fucked up. Now Jon’s is the only one left, I think. Then Hodor gets left behind to keep the door closed so the Whitewalkers don’t get to Bran. As the girl dragging Bran to safety yelling “Hold the door”, we realize that through some weird interdimensional dream vision thing, this becomes the origin of Hodor’s name. THEN HE FUCKING DIES! Why would they kill him? Why would those sick fucks do something like this? Hodor was good. This is almost as bad as when Stannis set his daughter on fire. But that was extremely fucked up. I’m still sad and will probably be grieving for the next fee days.