This week’s episode was pretty average. No deaths, no nudity. Very surprising. Here’s the top five things I can remember.
1. Tommen is a sellout
This part pissed me off. Ser Jaime was poised to slaughter the High Sparrow and his people in a massive, bloody battle. He rode a horse up a bunch of steps! But then it was revealed that Incest King Tommen had teamed up with the High Sparrow in an effort to save his queen. I think Jaime’s way would’ve been more effective. What’s worse is that Tommen’s bitch ass has banished Jaime! What’s he gonna do now? Jaime was the best knight he had even if he only had one hand.
2. Sam’s dad really is a giant dick
Samwell had told stories of how terrible his father was. He threatened to kill Sam if he didn’t join the Night’s Watch after all. But seeing it up close was something else. He flung insult after insult while everyone was trying to enjoy a nice reunion dinner. To sum it up, he called Sam fat and Gilly a whore. Sam is fat but I don’t think being forced to give birth to her father’s incest baby makes Gilly a whore. Sam gets his revenge by stealing the family sword which is made out of Valyrian steel. Could be important later on for Sam the Whitewalker Slayer.
3. The realm seems pretty fucked
Whitewalkers are on the loose. Bran is fading in and out of his vision state. Uncle Benjen makes a triumphant return and kills a bunch of Whitewalkers. Will he be enough to save the realm from undead assassins?
4. Arya’s gonna get murdered
Arya can’t stop fucking up. First she loses her eyesight and then she gets her ass beat enough to get it back. She gets what she wants. She can finally be a servant of the many-faced god. She just has to kill some people. Only problem is she gets attached to the first person she’s supposed to kill and doesn’t end up killing her. That bitch who was beating the shit out of her witnesses this and gets permission to kill Arya. We could use another Stark death. It’s been a while. Which reminds me, I wonder how Rickon is holding up.
5. Khaleesi is still a badass
Khaleesi never ceases to amaze. She rides through the desert with a ton of Dothraki warriors surrounding her. She has murdered every khal. If that wasn’t impressive enough, she reminds everyone that she’s the Mother of Dragons. Drogon comes back in the mix and Khaleesi delivers an incredible speech about conquering the world as she sits on his back. Very intimidating indeed. It’s up there with the Gettysburg Address and Matthew McConaughey’s closing statement from A Time to Kill.
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